Archive for February 7th, 2008
If you go out to the hills today
You’re sure of a big surprise
If you go out to the hills today
You better go in disguise
For every haggis that ever there was
Will run away for certain because
Today’s the day the haggis end up as your picnic
The essential Guide, ‘How to Catch a Haggis’
Wild haggis are notoriously difficult to catch, being reclusive wee furry beasties that roam the glens of the Highlands of Scotland.
Central to the art is stealth. Like the deer stalker, the haggis hunter must be silent, invisible and without odour.
February 7th, 2008
How to catch a haggis? Well, first throw one up in the air … only kidding.
But really, I often get asked by visitors to Scotland, how do you catch a haggis (almost as often as, what do real Scotsmen wear under their skirts, sorry, kilts).
So how do we capture them?
As you are probably aware, the haggis is a notoriously elusive creature. It can run at speeds in
excess of 5 mph, especially when chased by coachloads of hungry tourists or indeed by our specially-trained haggis-bashers.
Wearing only their kilts, these brave men get up at 3 am every morning and disappear into the misty glens armed only with a bottle of the finest malt whisky and a large baton. Given the agility of the haggis, it would be a futile exercise to chase the beast around the hills.
February 7th, 2008
A true story, allegedly.
Tony Blair is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.
The patient replies:
“Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o’ the puddin race,
Aboon them a you take your place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm.”
Blair is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.
The patient responds:
“Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit.”
February 7th, 2008
